It's About Time
by takahashi miyuki
Summary: This is a collecti1on of one-shot suicide fics. Read for some nice angsty fun, and watch your favorite characters die. (Sanzo, Gojyo, Goku, Hakkai and Kougaiji dead so far.) Please R&R!
1. Rainy Day

**Rainy Day**

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki or any of the characters, etc.

* * *

Relentlessly, the rain poured from the sky, a sheet of gray shielding the occupants of the inn from the rest of the world. Sanzo hated the rain. He sat on the window sill and stared outside, an unlit cigarette dangling between his lips, trying to fight back the memories ...  
  
_[Damn it. It's been so long already. Why can't I just forget... Oh that's right. I can't. The only person who I've ever cared about. The only person who I've ever admired. An invisible wound. That's what Hakkai once said. A wound that doesn't heal.]_  
  
Fumbling with his robes, Sanzo extracted an orange paper plane.  
  
_[The orange, contrasting with the blue sky. That's what he always said. How beautiful it was. I just can't let go, can I. Of course I can't. I swore that I would get the bastards who killed him. Revenge. My only goal in life.]  
_  
A drop of water fell onto his open palm.  
  
_[Blood. His blood was on my hands...all over my robes...couldn't do anything. Helpless. Promised myself that I wouldn't be like that again. Did I keep that promise? No...in this rain...I still feel so vulnerable.]_  
  
Sanzo glanced down, and realized that his knuckles were white from gripping the window ledge too hard. Letting go, he plunged a hand into his sleeve and retrieved his gun.  
  
_[So pretty. So dangerous. So cold. Such an easy way out...]_  
  
With a swift jerk of his wrist, Sanzo flicked his gun against the opposite wall.  
  
_[COWARD! What the fuck do you think you're doing. Killing yourself won't do any bloody good. You have a mission, remember? You swore to kill the attackers, remember? You need to save the world, remember?]_  
  
_{Hahaha. Save the world. So noble, Sanzo SAMA. Hahahahahaha. It's so amusing to see you suffering like this. Thinking about the past. Pretending. Arguing. You think you're going crazy? Hahahaha. You never really cared about him, did you? In fact, now that all the monks from the temple are dead, you can make up all sorts of bullshit. You can fool the others, Sanzo, but you can't fool me, or yourself, for that matter.}  
_  
_[SHUT UP! THAT IS NOT TRUE! Another word from you... and I'll shoot myself!]_  
  
Suiting the action to the word, Sanzo strode across the room and picked up his gun.  
  
_{Are you threatening me now, Sanzo SAMA? How nice. You never gave a shit about that master of yours. Or ours I should say. Until the moment he was killed. It was then that you realized that it was too late. Your enlightenment. Your moment of pain. The death of your soul.}_  
  
A shot rang out.  
  
_[I'm not joking about killing myself! You better shut fuck up!]  
  
{You were so ashamed that you didn't feel anything. Neither before, nor after his death. And thus, you made up this story... this fantasy... to explain why you don't feel anymore. But the truth is, you never felt anything in the first place.}  
_  
A second shot rang out.  
  
_{Hahahaha. Kill yourself. You can't change the past. You can't change your feelings, for you have none. You might have received enlightenment, but try as you might, you can't change yourself. }_  
  
The gun was fired again. This time, however, the shot was muffled. His head dropped to his chest. Blonde bangs obscured tearstained eyes. Blood flowed, unstaunched, from the hole in his head. Outside, the rain continued to fall.

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A/N: I don't know what I was writing about in this fic. I just... started typing away, and here is what I have. In the fic, Sanzo is arguing with himself. The [ ] is the side who believes he really cared for his master, and { } is the side who sees the truth. Please review. Thanks. 


	2. Crimson Roses

**Crimson Roses**

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki or any of the characters, etc.

* * *

The room was bathed in blood. The ceiling and walls were a warm shade of pink, the carpet a deep scarlet. A bright red bed stood in the center of the room. Across from it was a painting – a sea of crimson roses. Gojyo sat on the bed and stared at the painting.  
  
_[It's my fault. I am a half-breed. A taboo child. Crimson eyes, crimson hair. The color of blood.]  
_  
_He skipped home happily, a red rose grasped gently in his fist. "Mom! Look what I brought home for you! "A woman stood in the yard, her hands on her apron. Glancing at the boy, her eyes flashed with anger. "What is this? I don't want it! Don't call me mom! I hate you! Fuck off!" With those words, she snatched the flower from the boy's hand and trampled it on the ground. "I'll see you inside, you dirty brat."  
_  
Face clouded with sadness and fear, Gojyo curled into a fetal position on the bed and started to sob.  
  
_Cowering in his assigned 'corner', the boy started to cry and shiver at the same time. His 'mother' entered. Menacingly, she walked forward, her figure looming over his slight frame. She was crying now, her face contorted in an expression of grief and anger. Holding her hands out in front, her nails seemed like talons. Eyes gleaming with malice, she ordered the boy to stand up. Once up, she let loose her pent up fury on him. Scratching, slapping, and punching the poor boy, she pulled on his crimson hair whenever his feet started to give.  
_  
With a start, Gojyo woke up. It was dark already. Groping around, he found a pair of scissors, and with that, started to cut his hair...  
  
_Finally overcome with so much grief that she could not stand it anymore, his mother let him sink down onto the floor. Her dress drenched in sweat and tears, she continued to cry, her shoulders heaving up and down, her breath coming out in gasps. Steadying herself with a bottle of vodka, she moved forward to grab the poor boy again. "YOU SON OF A BITCH! HE LEFT ME FOR THAT SLUT! AND THEN HE DUMPS ME WITH HIS FUCKING HALF-BREED SON??? I WILL NOT BE SCORNED LIKE THIS! DIE!!!"_  
  
_[Nobody ever cared for me. Isn't that so sad? My real mother? She ran off after I was born and my father went out looking for her. He left me in the hands of my step-mother and brother. Step-mother couldn't have hated me more. And that bastard who's called Dokukougaiji now? He only cared for me because I might have been his son instead of my father's. Oh yea. Mother was a real slut all right...]_  
  
Satisfied with his hair, he now started to play with the scissors in the dark. He crisscrossed his left arm with small shallow cuts, starting from the elbow and slowly making progress towards the wrist.  
  
_[WHY CAN'T GET THESE THOUGHTS OUT OF MY HEAD?!? IT'S OVER!]  
  
A knife held poised over her head, she smiled an evil, inhuman grin. Suddenly, she lurched forward and fell to her knees. Still holding the baseball bat, his step-brother stood over the dead body of his mother and held out a hand for the little boy.  
  
[Hahahaha. I should have let step-mother kill me. That would have been the best. She always said that I reminded her of the man whom she loved. If she loved him...maybe somebody can love me too. But that's just naïve. Nobody cares about me. Nobody loves me. Not my friends, not those girls I sleep with, nobody. Blah. Who needs love anyway? With women, cigarettes and booze, who needs love?]_  
  
Looking up from his self-mutilating activities, his eyes rested on the painting.  
  
_[Who needs love anyway...]  
_  
Head tilted back, Gojyo let out a scream as he slit his wrist.

* * *

A/N: MORE SUICIDES! Hohoho. I wrote this one as memories. Can't picture Gojyo thinking in words.

Adlea: Sanzo IS my favorite character. hehehe...


	3. Eclipse

**Eclipse**

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki or any of the characters, etc.

* * *

He twisted and turned on the bed, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. The sheets had knotted around his waist and legs, revealing his soaked shirt. Goku was having a nightmare. It was one of his usual ones, in which he turns into Seiten Taisei and kills all his friends.  
  
_His head snapped up from the Shourejyu in his hand and started appraising his enemies. There were only three left now: a blonde monk, a long-haired half-breed, and a youkai wearing a monocle. The half-breed looked very tired and his arm was cut badly. He also had a deep gash all the way down to the bone on his leg and a slash across his forehead. The man with the monocle had burnt clothing and multiple wounds all over his body, his blood- soaked shirt sticking to his body. As for the monk, he looked quite unscratched, but his face was a mixture of exhaustion and pain.  
  
[No...this can't be happening...Sanzo, help me...use your sutra...]  
  
Snarling, Seiten Taisei rushed forward at the half-breed. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw the youkai moving to cut him off. He moved quickly, killing him with a stab through the back. _

_[NOOO! STOP THIS! STOP!]  
  
Goku looked on helplessly as he stooped over the spot where the youkai once stood and picked up a shiny object. Looking pleased with himself, he started to eyeball the half-breed again. Reaching for his weapon, the half- breed prepared to attack. But Seiten Taisei didn't even move this time. He summoned his nyoi bou and extended it so that it punched the half-breed squarely in the stomach. Claws out, he ran towards the figure on the floor. Scratching and biting, he finally got tired of the limp figure and tossed it into oblivion.  
  
[Gojyo...I'm sorry... I didn't mean it...I couldn't control myself. Why can't I just wake up from this dream?]  
  
Satisfied with his handiwork, he focused his attention on the monk now. A feral grin on his face, Seiten Taisei stalked slowly towards the monk. Reaching the still figure, he was displeased with his prey. It just wasn't fun. Picking him up by the shoulders, two deep violet orbs glared back at him. He snarled, and started to shake the figure in his arms like a rag doll. The rag doll's arms flailed around, slapping Seiten Taisei's forehead, and the limiter appeared.  
  
[Thank goodness...I have been saved from myself. Most importantly, Sanzo is still alive.]  
_  
Fighting the clouds and the darkness, Goku finally regained consciousness. He sat up and realized that he was still in the dream. Feeling for his limiter, he looked around. Noticing Sanzo's limp body, he crawled towards his master. Goku shook Sanzo's body gently, poking and prodding him. He felt for a pulse and listened for a breath, but found none. Taking in the sight of Sanzo's dead body, Goku started crying uncontrollably.  
  
Reaching into his pocket, he found a limiter – Hakkai's. Crying with even more pain this time, he somehow managed to stand. The shakujou was strewn on the ground a few feet away. He knew that it wasn't a dream. Stuffing his hand into the pocket once more, he retrieved the gun. The metal reflected the sun into his face.  
  
_[My master...my god...my sun...]_  
  
Birds took flight as a shot rang out.

* * *

A/N: Wow! This one really sucked! Woohoo. Didn't really know how to write this, but Goku's past is pretty clean (or relatively unknown), and so it had to be something he just did. 


	4. Sweet Kiss

**Sweet Kiss**  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki or any of the characters, etc.

* * *

It was exactly 5 years after Gojyo and Hakkai first met. Since then, they had been the best of friends, helping each other through the bad times and sharing the laughter during the good times. Today, in an inn on their way to the west, the two were playing cards and reminiscing. Suddenly, Gojyo leaned over and whispered "aishiteru" before grabbing Hakkai's chin and covering his mouth with a kiss.  
  
_[WHAT?]_  
  
His eyes snapped open with surprise and the color receded from his face. Hakkai jerked out of Gojyo's grasp and stared at the red-haired man in shock. Five silent seconds passed, but for the two, it seemed like forever. Hakkai jumped out of his chair, and tumbled out of the room, leaving a disappointed and broken hearted Gojyo behind. Stumbling down the stairs, Hakkai grabbed a knife from the kitchen and finally, made it out of the inn. He half walked, half ran towards the park, trying to figure out what was going on.  
  
_[Why did he kiss me? Did he mean what he said? But that would make him... gay... Was it some joke? It seems like him to play pranks and jokes... but somehow... I think he really meant what he said. And if that were true... what do I do?]  
  
Her heart-warming smile was an oasis in the middle of a desert, a shelter in a storm, paradise on earth.  
  
[Kanan... why did you leave? I miss you so much. Koi... I feel so lost without your love.]  
  
Upturned face. Fluttering eyelashes. Pink eyelids. Rosy cheeks. Innocent lips. Their first kiss.  
  
[Kanan... I love you. I have been such a failure. I couldn't save you from the youkai. I couldn't sense that you were in danger. I wasn't fast enough to save you from the pain. And after all that, I couldn't even save your dead body from the fire. I have let you down... I have let everybody down. I don't think I deserve another chance.]_  
  
Hakkai was sitting on a park bench now. A drop of water fell on his upturned face. More drops soon followed. It was drizzling.  
  
_It was raining outside. They were in a cellar. He had just killed all the youkai. "Gono... Gono, in my lap there's the child of that monster... I can't live any more... bye, my dearest Gono!" And with a bittersweet smile, she stabbed herself.  
  
[Why couldn't I have stopped her? After killing all those youkai, was I not strong enough to? And now... I AM a youkai. How ironic. To become the thing that I hated most.]  
  
Long red hair, beautiful red eyes. Kneeling next to a body on the ground, he had a caring expression on his face.  
  
[He offered me a home. He helped me recover. He helped me, even though he didn't know who I was or what I was. Was it love? Is it love? But I do not deserve his love. It is too good for me. He will end up killing himself, just like what Kanan did.]  
_  
Hakkai looked at his hands. His hands had killed 1000 youkai in one night, turning him into one. The same bloody hands could not save his lover in time.  
  
_[I couldn't protect Kanan. With these hands, I won't ever be able to hold anyone again. Gojyo loves me. And maybe I love him too. But...these hands...No. They won't hold anyone again. I will protect Gojyo with these hands now. Yes. I will protect him.]  
_  
Hakkai slowly lifted the knife to stare at its silver beauty. Swiftly, he stabbed himself in exactly the same place he was wounded on that fateful night when he was trying to save his lover.

* * *

A/N: This chapter was hard to write too. Hakkai keeps his feelings hidden and tries to forget the past, looking so happy, etc., that its so hard to picture him killing himself. But I managed it. Barely. Please read and review. And if you want me to kill some other characters as well, hehehe... 


	5. Marble

**Marble**

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki or any of the characters, etc.

* * *

It was a normal Sunday morning, and the village was bustling with activity. A solitary figure sat on the roof of the tavern, surveying the scene in front of him. The red-haired demon gritted his teeth as a mother and her son skipped happily on their way to the market. 

'Why is life so unfair? Why did that bitch Gyoukumen Kousho have to ruin my life…DAMN IT! WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO COME CRASHING DOWN EVERYTIME I FIND SOMETHING TO LIVE FOR!'

_The messenger panted heavily. "Gyu…Gyu…Gyumao-sama…He…he… he's dead…" With that final phrase, the messenger fainted from exhaustion. Time froze. Everybody stood in shock, taking in the facts, realizing what it meant for them. A minute later, mass pandemonium broke out; people were shouting, crying, and running about in fear. Their beloved leader had fallen. However, both Kougaiji and his mother were celebrating secretly. _

'Ah…father. He wasn't very strong after all. To be killed so easily. Ha. And I thought it was over… It was just the end of the beginning …'

"_JUST SHUT UP! EVERYBODY CALM DOWN!" shouted a female youkai. "As Gyumao-sama's most trusted, I'm in charge now. We'll have to find a place to hide, so we can regroup, rearm, and also, to complete the research that will revive him." She continued to give directions, failing to notice two pairs of angry red eyes. _

'WHY DID FATHER HAVE TO HAVE A CONCUBINE! Why… Was he… dissatisfied? One wife wasn't ENOUGH? He didn't love mother anymore? ARGH! And the nerve of that bitch!'

_She had a plan, and it was a very insidious one. "Rasetsunyo, please come here… I have something to tell you." She paused. A moment passed, and Rasetsunyo's eyes widened, for she realized what was happening – Kousho was mumbling a binding spell under her breath. Rasetsunyo quickly pounced towards the other women, trying to break her concentration. It was futile. Where there was flesh a minute ago, marble took its place. _

Clouds began to set in, and Kougaiji headed towards home.

_"Kougaiji darling," she drawled. "I'm sure you've seen my newest marble statue. Why, your mother helped obtain it. Isn't it beautiful? And that expression on her face. Priceless! If you desire her return to the moving world… you'll have to obey me from now on. First, there is a sutra that can help revive your father. Go get the damn thing!"_

'The bitch promised to set Mother free. ARGH. Why did SHE have to die so easily too? Stupid monk and his stupid sidekicks. I THOUGHT MONKS COULDN'T KILL!'

By now, Kougaiji had reached the entrance of his house. He opened the door cautiously, and slowly walked towards his mother. Her posture was one of hostility, yet her face was serene. Her marble eyes looked very much alive, yet they had a dead quality to them. He touched his mother's face lovingly; the marble was cold and smooth. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he let it all out. Why bother hiding tears when there was no one around? He reached into his back pocket, and removed a mirror. A talisman was taped on the mirror.

'I'm so sorry mother. I didn't try hard enough to save you. I didn't get the sutra. I didn't help Kousho when she was fighting the Sanzo-ikkou… I'm such a failure…I don't deserve to be your son. I can't live anymore. I used to wake up everyday, devising plans to get the sutra, hoping that it would be the day when I could finally unbind you. Now that all hope is lost, I have nothing to live for anymore. I've failed you… mother.'

He looped the strap of the mirror around his mother's neck.

'I'm so ashamed. I don't think I can ever talk to anyone again. I don't think I can ever meet anyone's gaze again. I'm such a disgrace to you. Please forgive me.'

He kneeled down in front of his mother's petrified body. A small ball of fire appeared in his hand. Flicking the flame at the talisman, Kougaiji took one last look at his mother,a look that would last forever, and in an instant, he too turned into marble.

'I love you. Forever.'

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A/N: Wow. It's been so long since I've updated. '...' is thoughts now because fanfiction is being weird and I can't get in the old bracket thingies. Sigh. Thisfic is not as good as the previous ones. When I wrote them... I was really depressed I guess. Now that I'm feeling better... it's not the same. Hope you enjoyed it though. Please review. 


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